reminisce

8 hour shifts are crazy. my fingers feel like they could start bleeding any moment, and my body is so exhausted. i won't be up until like 2pm tomorrow, but that's the beauty of lazy sunday right? long night talking with everyone, having doing summery chill things. great stuff.

something i thought about today: have you ever felt that you didn't have control of what you were doing (without being under influence of some substance)? today i thought about it, and i realize that a lot of the time when i sit back and enjoy myself, i find that i'm doing things without really knowing that i'm doing them. not like i'm sitting on my hand and it goes numb or that my finger is bleeding and i don't notice, nothing weak like that. but like, the things i'm doing aren't really processed in my brain. it's as if i'm just doing things impulsively, actions completely uninhibited. i don't really know how i feel about that, because it makes me wonder when i'm actually being myself. am i not being myself if i don't do things that i think i should do? or if i do things before i even consider the consequences? i know i'm making it sound more complex than it really is, but it was just weird. it's like sitting watching yourself do things and not doing anything about it. sure i can do something, i can stop being so impetuous, but is it really a bad thing if i'm not doing bad things? i'm just acting spontaneous, after all.

blah, it's just weird. do you think about what you do before you do it, or just do what comes to your head first? no clue, but either way, the thing to do right now is go to sleep.

goodnight!